For many years, when searching for opportunities to work and contribute outside the home, I did not consider the obvious opportunities that were available right in front of me. Instead, I looked beyond my immediate circles and every day life at more potentially glossy and/or exotic opportunities like the ones available to me pre-kids.
My own story of work-life-family mix started on a spring day eleven years ago. I worked right up till hours before my first son was born, as I didn’t know I was in active labor (I thought I had indigestion with yet three weeks yet to go). A few hours after I left my desk, I held a 7.5 pound baby boy in my arms, and my working mother journey began, or so I thought. Being ever the planner, I negotiated a telecommuting arrangement to start upon my return after four months of leave. However, I did not plan on: (1) my company losing its funding three weeks into my maternity leave and with it, my well negotiated position, and (2) a beautiful newborn with a significant orthopedic issue that required weekly doctor visits and surgery at the Children’s Hospital for the first year of life. My best laid plans aside; I became an accidental stay-at-home mom.
Fortunately, we could live on one income, and focus our energy on our son’s full recovery that first year. Without a roadmap on how to proceed from employed professional-over-achiever to unplanned-stay-at-home mom, the idea of starting afresh with a new company, not yet vested in me (leaving me with little control or flexibility) was daunting. Instead, I turned to contract work around my son’s naps. Twelve months later we had our second son and my career was definitely in neutral. Over the next few years, my husband sporadically suggested that I should consider taking over the financial side of his law firm, as they paid a significant amount to outsource it. Neither of us ever pursued the conversation to understand what that would actually entail, and then arrived son #3. With three under the age of four, though I still had pictures of the pre-kid-professional-me swimming in my head, I lacked the time and resources to determine what options may have existed for my new reality.
We coasted (or more accurately survived) for several years until the boys were all in full-day school. I took a deep breath, and revisited the possibility of working together with my husband. I have now been managing the financial side of his law firm for several years, saving money for our retirement and lowering his firm’s overhead. Like with many things, once I dug into the work, I realized I could have taken on the responsibilities sooner, if I had better understood what was involved. Further, for me, working with (NOT for) my husband had unplanned positive outcomes. I realized no one prioritizes our family, like me, other than him. Taking steps to work with him not only dusted off my dormant skills, but reawakened my professional confidence. It allowed me to explore more opportunities, in addition to assisting his firm.
I learned that knowing my options was a precursor to exploring opportunities professionally. If someone can benefit from my experience, I would love it. If I had known to look closer at the opportunity right in front of me, I could have jumped in sooner. If you are searching for opportunities to contribute professionally while still serving as the primary caregiver, here are three suggestions:
(1) What’s in Front of You? Look at what is right in front of you, before looking to the outside, for opportunities to utilize your skills and experience and benefit those nearest and dearest to you—can you meet a business need for your spouse, family business, or friend’s enterprise? Even if the match is not perfect between your skills and experience, believe in yourself and trust that you CAN learn it. These are often some of the best and most supportive “employers” because they share your priorities (e.g., family time).
(2) Talk to Others. The best way to make changes is to talk about them to trusted confidantes, advisors, family, or even casual acquaintances—once you put it out there, others will keep an ear out for you and you are more likely to keep making forward progress. You never know who might spark a great idea or introduce you to a key person.
(3) Professional Guidance. Consider hiring a career coach to help you assess your skills and affinities. Trained career coaches can open your eyes to opportunities and connections you never considered. The process will not only help you focus on your career, it will remind you of all that you are capable of contributing.
Looking back, I wish I had a friend or mentor to encourage me to look at the opportunities right in front of me. I would have realized sooner the low barriers to entry, which may have led to more opportunities for myself professionally and my family (e.g., a bigger travel fund!). If you are in search of an opportunity to work outside the home, let me be that friend for you, before looking “out,” consider starting your search by looking “in” for any opportunities that might be in front of you. Wherever you find that opportunity, may you be empowered to jump in with both feet in 2014.
