I got an emergency call last week from my aunt with news that my mother was confused and in terrible back pain and needed my help immediately. She inferred it might be time to move my mother and father (who has Alzheimer’s) to an assisted living arrangement.
I jumped on the next plane from Denver to Iowa and joined one of my brothers who came from Chicago. We teamed up to assess the situation, look for both temporary and long-term solutions, make recommendations and attempt to allay deep-seated fears.
I was struck by many things: my parents’ vulnerability, my grief, their fear of loss, the importance of family, how to act with respect and preserve dignity, and the pain of making life’s tough decisions. It was a dizzying few days, culminating in my parent’s decision to stay in their own home for now. I learned a lot about being a member of the Sandwich Generation.
There was one thing amid all the activities, emotions and decisions that stood out the most for me. My eighty-six-year-old dad, despite his moderate dementia, remembers each time he sees me to tell me his favorite piece of advice:
Don’t miss anything, Mary.
In his final stage of life, after 65 years of marriage, 62 years of parenting 6 children, 50 years of employment as a bank president, and after surviving a heart attack, and living in the Great Depression and all the lesser ones since, his advice finally hit home with me. I realized his best advice is not about many of the things I’m encouraged to put a lot of time and energy into: saving money, exercising, staying healthy, becoming successful, wealthy, and better looking, and doing things to stay safe.
No, Dad has narrowed his advice to one category. He wants to be sure I know not to miss anything.
I finish his sentence in my mind. Don’t miss anything:
For lame reasons, like I’m too busy or broke or not smart enough, or don’t know how to get started or believe I could never pull it off.
Because I need to get “it” all done first.
Because I don’t think I deserve it.
Because I am too afraid to risk.
Don’t miss anything that lights me up, fires my rocket, and floats my boat.
Okay, Dad. I won’t miss anything.
Thanks for the reminder.
