This week, we learned about Mallika Chopra, founder of Intent.com, who describes herself as “a mom with a business on the side.” Her mission reinforces the importance of living with intention in our individual work-life mix, and she reminds us to “Start by knowing what you want.”
“What do you want?” Seems like an easy, straight-forward question especially for motivated and self-directed women, like our Women in the Mix community. As an educated and multi-faceted woman, shouldn’t I have a clear answer at all times, and then naturally a path lined up in pursuit? But, I have been surprised over the past decade that a simple question can cause such inner turmoil for many, me included. I believe that the key to answering this question lies in first exploring “What makes me uniquely me? ”
It goes without saying that no two people are the same. We are all unique in the combination of our natural-given traits, environments of our nurture, our relationships, our experiences, and our passions, among other factors. To live an authentic life, we have learned that it is so important for us to regularly check-in with ourselves. To understand what makes us uniquely us. To embrace the totality of all of the elements that brought us to our present reality. If we strive to understand who we really are, then perhaps it would be easier to understand what we really want and thus make it easier to pursue and live an authentic and satisfied life—recognizing that this is an evolving process.
Over the course of our lifetimes, our inborn nature remains constant, but most of the factors that make us who we are do not. Environments, relationships, experiences, and even passions are fluid and evolve over time. During my schooling years and early professional years, I was pretty tunnel focused. Who I was, consisted primarily of my career, husband, family, friends, and hobbies. I had a clear and direct pursuit of MY individual wants and intents. However, when children entered the picture, what I wanted, took a backseat to what do they need and what do I want for them. By the time the question circled back to me, exhaustion and busyness, basically “survival,” zapped me from making conscious and direct decisions about my wants. As my boys grow up and become more independent, I have more opportunities to reflect on my new normal—the uniqueness of me at this moment. I am still that woman who I was before I had children, but now I am…more, more nuanced. When I am able to come up for air and click off auto-pilot, I can embrace who I am, make more thoughtful and deliberate choices, and I appreciate the importance of factoring my wants in to the broader picture.
Our featured Wixii, Kathryn Albright, poignantly shares how who she is and what she wants have evolved over time. She describes the loss of parents and the opening of her eyes to the importance of engagement in her life, “Earlier in my life I had a relative phobia of commitment to community activities, social engagements, etc., causing me to turn down any number of opportunities to become more engaged socially or otherwise. This changed when my mother and father became ill in my early twenties, and they told me how much they felt they had missed in life and what they would do differently. When I lost both of them to acute and chronic terminal illnesses, I realized how short life is and how I just can’t afford to say no anymore.” Each of us responds to our life’s circumstances differently, and that process itself also contributes to who we are. Having a deep understanding of who we are and what we want leads to more meaningful and authentic engagement in all areas of work and life.
We are each unique. Our opportunity to thrive is interdependent with making choices in work and life to facilitate our ever-evolving new normals. This week, join me in celebrating what makes “you uniquely you.” Do you naturally and routinely ask yourself “What do I want?” Or perhaps you feel more lost in the mix? Please join our Facebook conversation.
