People who have their priorities straight and who live according to their priorities inspire me. It’s not an easy congruency to achieve (as I previously shared in Prioritizing Amidst Flexibility). Even more inspiring to me—those who are able to unapologetically live according to their priorities. The New York Times parenting blog published an article last week entitled, Being a Working Mother Means Always Having to Say You’re Sorry. The article highlights Katrina Alcorn’s book, Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink, and observes “Ms. Alcorn argues that when we say ‘sorry’ (and the endless apologia are primarily the work of mothers, not fathers), we are too often apologizing for our failure to do the impossible.” The article further highlights, “Prioritize….the idea that you can do everything, as long as you’re strategic about it — contributes to our feeling of failure when it truly all is too much. Not everything that overwhelms us is our choice.”
Nonetheless, it is very important to think about prioritizing—because it is in prioritizing that we let go of the idea of doing everything. It’s not about doing it all or even having it all. Rather, at Women in the Mix, we believe that it’s about thriving through it all. Yes, we could not agree more that there are clearly circumstances beyond ourselves, “in the form of the long working hours expected from professionals, the unforgiving schedule of the hourly worker, the every-man-for-himself attitude toward funding the child care during working hours that any parent who serves as both breadwinner and caregiver needs, the lack of paid maternity or paternity leave, the lack of paid sick leave” (as the article states) that thwart our ability to thrive at any given stage in life. However, we have also seen that highly-effective Wixii women do examine themselves, their mindsets and their actions—not for the purpose of doing it all, but for the purpose of living meaningfully and authentically within the realm of choices that they do have.
This week’s featured Wixii™ Abby Vostad has such a clear understanding of her priorities and non-negotiables, and she lives according to those priorities. She shares, “Each day before leaving the office, I decide what “must-dos” are left on my to-do list. These become my priorities for the next morning. I strive to have all my non-negotiable tasks, both personal and professional, accomplished before noon each day. I use Outlook for both personal and work scheduling – this allows me to know when work will interfere with home life and when home life will interfere with work. And, I protect my family time – I limit my evenings away from my family to two per week. At home, I have accepted that there will always be toys on my floor and laundry piles, but before bed, I usually spend time cleaning one area of the house or doing a load of laundry – really, whatever needs to be done.” Despite a very busy season of full-time work and mothering young children, Abby is thriving in her work-life mix, not because she is doing it all, but because she lives according to her priorities, without guilt or apologizing.
3 Tips for Living Your Priorities:
- Keep one calendar, including work, family, and life obligations, so that you can prioritize in the context of your entire work-life mix.
- Each day, separate your To Do List into “must do, should do, and would like to do.”
- Be realistic and proactive, not reactive. Know that you can only accomplish so much in one day and build in cushion time. When the unexpected pops-up (and it will), take a moment to determine on which list it will go—not all unexpected tasks are must dos.
Despite circumstances that are outside of our control, let us strive for a baseline of effectiveness in what we can control—our personal mindset and actions. Let’s continue to share best practices and tools so that individual Wixii women can thrive across their multiple roles in life and, in so doing, live boldly, confidently, and unapologetically. Please join our conversation.
